Dear Mom,
I am pleased to tell you that I provide no end of amusement to my neighbors. They think my attempts to speak Vietnamese are precious and hilarious, and we're just generally inexplicable as people. For example, I recently saw some of the older women of our neighborhood dressed up fancy in their Áo dài (careful, that d is pronounced like a Y and Z at the same time) and I went over with my friend, Google Translate, to talk to them. They had rented a large van to take them to an amusement park for Vietnamese Women's Day. I think it's probably a new Japanese-themed park over on the west part of the bay, and I did confirm that they weren't going to Bana Hills, which is the only other park I know about.
Oh, but they were giddy. They laughed and said I should jump in the van with them, and wondered if I had bought them any gifts for Women's Day. They were buying little snacks and treats from the corner vendor before loading up in the van for their excursion. When we were done with our breakfast noodles and walking back to the house, the van passed and we waved and they all waved back with big grins.
But while I consider it something of a duty to provide the occasional chuckle, I don't want to be a laughingstock, or offensive. Like this:
Do you see what's going on there, in that photo? Take in the grass mat outside the house at the front door. Seriously? What are the foreigners DOING? Zoom in so you can appreciate the cultural gaff.
We bought two of the colorful grass mats at the local market. Rolled them out and found that they perfectly fit the entry. Pretty much awesome! Such a great patio vibe, right? Then one of our old friends (a 10-year friend, as opposed to some of the ones who are newly entering our lives) came over and stopped, screwed up her face, tilted her chin to the side, and VERY tactfully said, "What's your vision here?" She listened as we told her our idea for making the front area more attractive, for changing shoes and putting bags down, etc. She listened, then over lunch she said, "I think I really do have to tell you something."
We are so grateful to have friends who will keep us from unintentionally offending people! After many reassurances that we wanted to hear everything she had to say, that she wasn't hurting our feelings, she told us that those grass mats have a lot of underlying cultural meaning and value. They are a traditional handicraft, and there's a feeling that the hand-made crafts need to be protected and honored. They are meant to be sleeping mats, and the elderly and people from the countryside often prefer a grass mat on a hard surface rather than a mattress to sleep on.
Grass mats are also a floor-level table cloth. You can host a party and invite everyone to sit on the mat and share food and drink, on the floor but separated from the floor's surface by the grass mat. The grass mat is a place to sit or lie down, not a place to walk and certainly not a place to put your shoes.
Some of this we already knew--such as that people sit and sleep on the mats--but we didn't already know the "vibe" attached to them, and what it feels like to people if you use them the wrong way.
It's a little bit like having a quilt made by your grandma or great-grandma. You recognize that its first purpose is for covering a bed. And maybe, if you don't need it on any of the beds in your house, you use it as a picnic blanket so the family can keep enjoying Grandma's quilt. But what you definitely would not do is use it as a covering for your front porch so people could take their shoes off on it, wipe their feet a bit, then come into your house.
That's what it felt like to our friend. We don't know how many of our neighbors saw this display for the half day that it was there, but the next day, when I saw a grandma pushing a baby stroller past our open gate, and I watched her watch our house, I was glad to know I wasn't dishonoring a cherished handicraft!
Love,
Tim and Janet
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