Using them as Human Shields

[Tim]
I've been wanting to write about motorcycle riding.  I wanted to wait until I had pics or videos to go with it, but I've realized that I will never actually be able to capture these things on camera because my hands are rather white-knuckled to the bike as I'm trying to look all suave and relaxed in this freeforall melee they call Vietnam traffic.

It's not a cohesive story, though.  More like a bullet list:

• I've stopped wondering where the seatbelt is, each time I mount my cycle and take off.  However, if I'm toting an extra human behind me, I sometimes almost look to see if they are buckled in or not.
• It is not legal to turn right on a red light.  I think.  But every time I'm idling at a light, numerous people turn right.  And left.  And go through the light.  Other people wait with me, though, and then turn right.  It's also not legal to drive with a headlight on during the day.  Say some.  Honestly, it seems like there are not very many laws here--just rumors about what policemen sometimes enforce.
• I don't have a license to drive my motorcycle.  If I get pulled over, I'll either try to buy off the traffic cop (usually they are just shaking down the tourists who rent motorbikes, from what I gather) or I may run the risk of having my motorbike summarily seized.  That adds a little zest of excitement to my rides...
• The roundabouts are freaky scary.  They are especially scary when turning left, going straight, or turning right.  You probably wonder what could be scary about turning right, but then you don't know that the major roads are actually 4 roads wide.  In one intersection I traverse between here and school, there're three lanes going north and three going south.  On the shoulders of these lanes there are two two-way roads.  Even on the road that only has three lanes going east and three going west, drivers treat it as though there is a secret lane that goes opposite the traffic.  I'm afraid it's very hard to explain.  It's even harder to navigate.
• I seem to have finally learned to kick the kickstand up before proceeding into the street.  For the first weeks, I was only managing 50% rate of remembering that little nugget.  If you forget, you can drive for quite a ways before turning (leaning) left causes the still-down kickstand to come into traumatic contact with the pavement.  Sparks fly!
• If you want to learn to drive a motorcycle, it's best to go out when the roads are empty.  When are the roads empty, you ask yourself?  Not at 5:30am!  Not at any time in the morning.  Not at 11pm, though it's quieting down by then some.  Try 1pm.  At 12:45pm you will find the roads are as empty as you could possibly want.
• Turning left is a cultural challenge.  In the USA, we go out into the intersection and make a rather acute left turn.  It's normal.  But it's a problem here, because in doing so you've presented yourself as a broadside target to the traffic coming at you from two directions.  Broadside to the traffic that never stops (except at 1pm).  So sometimes I still catch myself doing that, but it's really a bit dangerous.  Instead, the thing to do if you're coming from the north and want to turn east (take a moment to visualize this), is to come to the intersection and WITHOUT STOPPING, you need to angle across the lane of traffic so that your left foot could (if you wanted) kick the curb of the sidewalk on the northeast corner of the intersection.  Did you turn your bike broadside to the oncoming traffic?  No!  You came south on the north-south road and went across the northbound lanes of traffic so you could get over to the curb.  You were like a trout swimming upstream: A beautiful picture from nature, driving as God intended it.  So now you are at the northeast corner of the intersection and you want to continue your left turn to the east.  Traffic is coming at you, and you need to negotiate this traffic and get over to the south side of the road where the other eastbound traffic has recovered from intersection-induced slowdown and is beginning to pick up speed.  Do you turn broadside to the traffic to get south across the road?  No!  You simply ease out into the oncoming traffic and allow the other motorcycles to split around you to your right and left.  Think of the wake left behind a speedboat.  Be the speedboat.  Eventually, you reach the marked center line and it's a bit like coming up for air--you can breathe again.  You are going with the traffic, now, toward the east. And all is well.  You've made a left turn.
• Sometimes I get all confused and start thinking that my primary purpose in coming to Vietnam is to reform the traffic rules here.  I get all indignant because somebody in front of me is deciding to do a u-turn ... on the bridge.  I'll get all bent out of shape because someone is driving straight at me and I'm trying to turn right.  And then I remember that it's not actually my job or my goal to bring order to the traffic situation here.  I relax.  I adapt to how driving is done here.  I do stop short of performing a u-turn on the main east-west bridge over the river, though.